Thursday, March 12, 2009
I am having rant.
There is nothing more frustrating to me than having the urge to be creative - but no ambition to do it sometimes. I am sitting here feeling it on the inside... but on the outside, I am just like all "I wanna sit around in my jammies, drink wine and watch cartoons... and eat stuff." GEEZ!! It is like battling DEMONS within!! Hungry alcoholic LAZY demons... or teenage children! Hahaha! Seriously though - I think and I hope that once the sun starts shining more that I can get back my energy and ambition and can find the urge to spend more time USING my vast amount of art supplies rather than buying an additional vast amount to go with the existing vast amount that I already have... and have to PACK when we move! We are looking at a house this weekend that seems to have an fabulous spot for a studio in it!!! It also is a piece of land where I could eventually build a studio separate from the house!! Yay yay yay!! So excited to look - not TOO excited yet tough! Gotta go look at it first!! We will see I guess! Woo! Life is goooood and getting better!! I wish, however that I was able to draw full time. That is the other part. I work all day and sometimes just don't have the energy to do much after work. :( It sucks sometimes!! All I have ever wanted to do with myself was draw. it is so impractical to me though. I seriously could never imagine EVER being able to make a living at it!! I have SOOOOOO much respect for my peers who do though! Respect and envy! I know what I want to be when I grow up FINALLY - but I know I have to work at a dead-end job that I like - but don't think it will ever get me anywhere just to support my drawing habit. I hope to find a way to get my butt out there - but it is tough!! Especially with the economy in the state that is in! Do I think that people will have the extra cash to buy doodles that some day dreamin' transplanted to Vancouver Island Alberta girl did when she had an urge??? NO! Do I HOPE that someone will go 'Hey!! That's cool!!' and buy it?? hell yeah I do!! I sometimes wonder WHY I wasn't good at math or science or whatever it is that got people into good paying jobs... or CAREERS. Nope! I had to be good at drawing. Hahaha - If it hadn't been for the special projects program I took in grade 12 for art, odds are good I would STILL be in high school now!! So what do I do with this gift/curse?? Gift in the sense that I can create - curse in the sense that I have no clue how to use it to it's full potential!! I am so very fortunate - and humbled to have made so many AWESOME and extraordinarily talented artist friends on Facebook and here. I only hope to be able to learn from them all and find my way to success as they all have. I'm sure everyone has had their struggles and yet they have all managed to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I am just feeling my way through the dark right now!! I am a VERY stubborn and determined gal. ask my boyfriend!! :P When I put my mind to something - and want it bad enough, there is little that can stop me from getting it. I have just come to realize over the years that sometimes you have to be patient. Don't give up when it won't happen over night. If you have to put it on the back burner and let it simmer for a bit til it's good to go - then that's just how it is. Patience is a virtue - and I don't think I spelled patience right. Hmmmm.... will have too look at that more. Blame it on the wine!! A wonderful Australian Red. McWilliams - Cab Sav... I think. the bottle is empty and downstairs! Gee whiz - it is long past this Island Cowgirl's bedtime. I have to work at my unfufilling boring job tomorrow. Living for the weekend I am these days!! I wish you all a good night - and I thank you if you have made it to the end of my stressed out rant thing that just happened here!!