Saying Goodbye To My Best Friend

I am beyond heartbroken. Sathurday, I had to say goodbye to my bestest little friend in the world.
The clinic called me yesterday morning and told me that the vomiting was only getting worse.... and in her opinion - letting him go was the best thing I could do for him at this point. What was going on inside his little body was worse than we had thought. I had woken up with the feeling in the pit of my stomach that it was going to come to that.





Billy was one of those once in a lifetime critters. He has been through so much with me. It was a bit funny to be sitting with him having one last visit, bawling my eyes out and having him comforting me. He was more concerned with making me feel better than he was with the fact that he was in a strange place, with an IV in his leg and sick. He was there for me right until the end. He loved and loved with all he had and the only way I could repay him was to let him go before the suffering really started. He's been there so many times for me through broken hearts and I will always be grateful for the short 5.5 years I had with him. This is when I need him the most.... to fix the biggest heartbreak I have ever had. Oh the irony. I just about died while I was sitting there on the floor talking to the vet and he hopped up and put his paws on my shoulder. I just lost it. He did it again when he climbed up on me - put his paws on my and just looked me in the eyes... purring the whole time. Sometimes you just know when you have to let go. He was happy and purring and Billy on the outside.... but there was too much going on on the inside. I think seeing him happy - while comforting - also made it extra hard since he didn't look sick on the outside.

To some - a cat is just a cat. To me - and to anyone who has ever loved and experienced the unconditional love of a kitty - or any animal for that fact, you know that letting them go is so incredibly devastating. He was my best friend, my little sidekick... he gave me a reason to come home everyday. I look at his favorite spots expecting to see him. I know I will never find a kitty quite like him. Anyone who met him loved him - and I know a lot of people got to love him even without meeting him - having only met him by seeing posts on Facebook. Friends like him are hard to come by and even harder to let go of. Who is going to lick my armpits, try to lick vaporub off of me when I am sick, beg me to share my Snack Packs - or anything that I am eating with a spoon? I will miss when I have a piece of cheese - he would "smile" - the tips of his fangs would poke out of the edge of his mouth and he'd do the funniest little head bob. The list goes on. As far as cats go - this guy had a personality second to none. I am going to miss his little face when I wake up and when I get home from work... and his purrs and snuggles. I already do so much. Rest in peace my little friend.

Tough Decisions....

Well - as of late my cat has been experiencing health problems.
At first, it appeared to be a UTI. He was treated for that.... yet his eating habits didn't improve - nor did his demeanor. Upon his return to the vet for a follow up and X-rays - they found that he was pretty blocked up with poop. So they sent me home with a medication to soften the blockage, a pill to encourage him to eat and special high fiber canned food that is designed to draw water into his colon to get things moving. That evening, after I gave him the appetite pill, he appeared to be drunk! I made a few phone calls and determined that it was a common side effect of the pill. I sat up late with him and when he seemed to be coming off thee high, I went to bed.

In the morning, he still seemed "off". I decided to stay home from work to keep an eye on him because something wasn't right. Good thing I did... he began to vomit at about 4pm. And it had this horrible smell.... a smell like something that should have come out of the other end of him. He had one like that before I took him in the first time and then once while he was on the antibiotics. I called the clinic and they said |I should bring him back in. They did more X-rays and saw his heart appeared smaller due to dehydration. He also vomited again there after the X-rays. So they admitted him and hooked him up to an IV for the night. She wanted to check him for leukemia due to his age so I gave her the go ahead to run more blood tests.

Yesterday morning when she called me she told me he had vomited again over night and then when she had arrived at the clinic. She ran the tests and they were negative for the leukemia virus but his white cell count was really high. He was in very good spirits, yet he still hadn't pooped. MORE X-rays showed that there really wasn't much movement in his intestinal track and now she was very concerned because of the vomiting.... and the white cells. She thinks that there is something more serious lingering inn the background. That is when cancer came up.

It is tricky to tell from the X-rays if there is a mass in his intestinal track. An ultrasound may be the next step.... or exploratory surgery. That is where I may be drawing the line. I love him to pieces. BUT - now I need to look at it from a practical view. I am over $2000 into this, he is 10-11 years old. How much do I want to put him through? I am fairly certain that she wouldn't have needlessly put this type fear in my head if she didn't genuinely suspect something serious. And I could hear it in her voice that there were likely going to be some tough choices ahead of me. They kept him for a second night as he still hadn't pooped. He also hadn't vomited in 8 hours last I talked to her - but he had also barely been eating.

Needless to say - I am absolutely heartbroken as I stare this decision in the face. A lot of tears have been shed in the last few days. My whole body just aches and my heart hurts.... and I have this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hope I come back from the clinic with good news today - but I know I need to prepare myself.