Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Saying Goodbye To My Best Friend

I am beyond heartbroken. Sathurday, I had to say goodbye to my bestest little friend in the world.
The clinic called me yesterday morning and told me that the vomiting was only getting worse.... and in her opinion - letting him go was the best thing I could do for him at this point. What was going on inside his little body was worse than we had thought. I had woken up with the feeling in the pit of my stomach that it was going to come to that.

Billy was one of those once in a lifetime critters. He has been through so much with me. It was a bit funny to be sitting with him having one last visit, bawling my eyes out and having him comforting me. He was more concerned with making me feel better than he was with the fact that he was in a strange place, with an IV in his leg and sick. He was there for me right until the end. He loved and loved with all he had and the only way I could repay him was to let him go before the suffering really started. He's been there so many times for me through broken hearts and I will always be grateful for the short 5.5 years I had with him. This is when I need him the most.... to fix the biggest heartbreak I have ever had. Oh the irony. I just about died while I was sitting there on the floor talking to the vet and he hopped up and put his paws on my shoulder. I just lost it. He did it again when he climbed up on me - put his paws on my and just looked me in the eyes... purring the whole time. Sometimes you just know when you have to let go. He was happy and purring and Billy on the outside.... but there was too much going on on the inside. I think seeing him happy - while comforting - also made it extra hard since he didn't look sick on the outside.
To some - a cat is just a cat. To me - and to anyone who has ever loved and experienced the unconditional love of a kitty - or any animal for that fact, you know that letting them go is so incredibly devastating. He was my best friend, my little sidekick... he gave me a reason to come home everyday. I look at his favorite spots expecting to see him. I know I will never find a kitty quite like him. Anyone who met him loved him - and I know a lot of people got to love him even without meeting him - having only met him by seeing posts on Facebook. Friends like him are hard to come by and even harder to let go of. Who is going to lick my armpits, try to lick vaporub off of me when I am sick, beg me to share my Snack Packs - or anything that I am eating with a spoon? I will miss when I have a piece of cheese - he would "smile" - the tips of his fangs would poke out of the edge of his mouth and he'd do the funniest little head bob. The list goes on. As far as cats go - this guy had a personality second to none. I am going to miss his little face when I wake up and when I get home from work... and his purrs and snuggles. I already do so much. Rest in peace my little friend.

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