So I though 2013 was starting out kind of rough..... and it was, but 10 days ago my luck & my outlook totally changed. Something so amazing has happened..... but I must keep it a secret for now - as I do not want to jinx it. I rally haven't been this happy and optimistic about anything in a while.... Stay tuned!!!

So my day off wasn't so bad. However I did none of the things I had wanted to do - except for half of the dishes. Lol! I had a well deserved jammie day on the couch in front of the tv watching GH and Days and Frasier & 7th Heaven repeats that I pvr'd. As guilty as I felt for being so unproductive, I really needed that time to recharge. And I can try to make the best of the two more days I have to take off before the 31st.... Hoping I can get up the motivation to start 'Colby'. This is a blessing in disguise I guess. I look at commissions as work. I think that's why I shy away from them for the most part. As soon as I am drawing for someone else, it's not a hobby. Lol! Plus the pressure associated with getting the horse just right - so the person you are drawing it for recognizes it.... and feels the connection to the piece. Sometimes I don't feel like I can capture that. That's why I like to draw random horses.... that most people don't know. Then I just hope they like the piece and want to buy it because it's pretty!

I also have a piece that I am supposed to be working on - painting logging machinery on a 6 foot ling cross cut saw. I have done one before. It was a 30+ hour job, in which I made less than minimum wage on. Ugh! Lol! It was for a friend's dad for Christmas last year. I swore I'd never do it again, but then he decided he wanted one for himself and convinced me to do one for him as well. I couldn't say no. The look on his face when he saw the finished piece for his dad made me feel good. I am a bloody sucker. I just have to buckle down and clean my studio up as it has been overrun by all of my things that I am in the midst of trying to sell.

SO MUCH CLUTTER! 

Well - here we are. 2013. The world didn't end. Lol!

I spent a lot of time thinking about how I want this year to unfold for me while I was back home. I didn't exactly make resolutions. I set a few goals for myself though.

I guess the big one for me is to go out and do whatever it takes to make myself happy. I need to find some inner peace. I have realized I am the only person who is responsible for my happiness. I have realized I cannot make anyone else happy if I am not happy with myself. So that is the most important thing - in my opinion - that I need to accomplish in 2013. I feel that the first step in making this happen is to move back home. I am working towards that as of now.... saving up money and selling whatever I can so I don't have to move it. Ball is rolling... I can talk about it on here because nobody reads this! Lol! Especially nobody from work. I am not ready to tell them yet.

I also would like to spend more time on my art. I would also like to spend more time on here. It's a good outlet to vent. Especially lately.... but my vents haven't all been art related! Lol!

I would very much like to cut back on my recreational wine consumption..... LOL!!! So far I have done well with that one. Except for last night - but it was only a few small glasses. ;)

I am trying to be less negative. I think my overall unhappiness has pulled me down a path of negativity. I would like to try to get off of that path. I am also going to try to keep my opinions to myself where some topics are concerned. I am very opinionated and I think my mouth gets me in trouble sometimes.

I also want to stay a single girl for the year. Not gonna lie - I know exactly what I want and I have decided to not settle for anything less. I am actually getting comfortable with the fact that I might end up alone. Just me and a pile of kitties. Lol!

Finally - I am hoping to acquire a horse. That is a 30 year old dream of mine. My uncle has an acreage. Maybe I can board there..... I am going to work my ass off to try to make this a reality. Nobody is going to do it for me. I deserve one. :)

SO... I just started a new job. I found out that they are shut down for 10 days over the holidays.... So I booked flights home!! I am certain that this trip will make the final decision for me - whether or not I am going to make the move back. I know this isn't all really art related - but I need a good place to vent.

I am so excited to be getting away from my sad, boring life here on the dreary island. I don't think I could have spent 10 days cooped up at home... when all I want to do is run away from everything. This is exactly what I need right now and I hope it's enough to get me through the winter. I hope I can catch up with a few friends and family members. In the last 6 years, the only good Christmas I had was the one that I got to go home for in 2008. I am hoping that next year I will only be a short drive from my family from the holidays.... no plane required!! 

So - everyone enjoy the holidays and we will see you in 2013!! :) 

Well I guess it's time for my annual post! Lol!

Seriously though, the last year has been unfortunately a rough one where my art has been concerned. I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that my art isn't really catching people's attention here. I live on the west coast - there are horses, and horse people, but not enough. That combined with a very poor economy - people don't really have the cash to spend on art - I have found myself in a rut creatively. I did manage to get my hands on a drawing table though!! So perhaps that may help to inspire me a bit!

I have been considering a move back to Alberta. It's a more "western/horse oriented" place and not only would the move bring me closer to my family - who I miss dearly - it may also allow me grow as an artist as well. Lots of thinking and planning to do.... as I would be leaving a lot behind. Decisions, decisions. Sigh. But so many things to consider. The economy is BOOMING over there. My REAL job - I have been in the automotive industry for years - mostly as a parts person - I can make double the money there. I have an uncle with an acreage and horses.... so I would have easy access to reference material as well as - I am hoping - the opportunity to make a 30 year dream come true. That would be to finally own a horse. I am finding myself to be really homesick and just sad here all around. Anyone who has ever been on the west coast will understand - the winters here are hard. Yes, the lack of snow and above 0 temperatures are great, but at the same token, the grey skies and rain for days on end are really difficult to adjust to. I am also finding that with the poor economy here that people have too much time on their hands and can be just down right mean and judgmental  I know you get that everywhere, but it seems very common in this town. I almost made a run to Saskatoon last year but put it off. Yet here I am - still dying to leave. I think it is time. I think it would be a very positive change for me and I am looking forward to it.

I feel the need to live more simply as well. I have been selling off my personal belongings - not only to fund my move, but it feels good to eliminate all of this "stuff". especially the things from a period in my life that I'd rather forget. I would love to just live in a studio apartment with my kitty, and my drawing table and my art supplies, a hide-a-bed and my music. Then I would run off into the country on the weekends and hide from the world. Seems like a dream come true!

This is the pen and ink bear I did for the sketchbook project. I really like this one and am a little sad that I will have to send it away!!